I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
