your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
