Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
