Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
