Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
