If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
