I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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