Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
