I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How does it feel to date your dad?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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