I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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