Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
