One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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