He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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