When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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