There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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