oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
