The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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