CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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