i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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