and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
