I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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