so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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