"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
