How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
