My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
