The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
