on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
organizing the empties. That sober.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
