Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
