if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize