Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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