What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
