the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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