last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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