you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
