i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
