I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
