Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
