there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
