Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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