I smell stomach acid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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