Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
