so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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