im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
3pm strippers are depressing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
