So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
