I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
