i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
