i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize