Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
