The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
