ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize