Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
