My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The uberlube is also flammable
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
