today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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