Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
