I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
