And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
