He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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