Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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