But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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