my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
