She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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