this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
