The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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