Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
