Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i think i just lost a toe
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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