Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
