I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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