She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
