well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
