just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
