You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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