so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
