I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
