i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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