Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
