six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize