hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
