Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
