im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
