okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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